i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you are never too drunk for berry picking
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
