i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
operation harelip BJ is a go
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
