Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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