I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize