Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
honey bunches of taint.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize