Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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