And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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