I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
