Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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