There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
