smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
