Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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