I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
