I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
