i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
50% drunk capacity currently
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
