My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
