my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
