You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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