my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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