Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
