if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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