she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
