Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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