dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
