I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
