This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
