It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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