My cat gives me a boner
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
