I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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