i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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