So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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