walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
