Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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