Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
