Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
