if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
