genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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