Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
