When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
