break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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