you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
