I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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