I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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