Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize