On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
