Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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