Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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