As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
