I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
