I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
