i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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