Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
