Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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