Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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