i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
