WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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