God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
