He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My feet surprised me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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