"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
