I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
