Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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