i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
