Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My cat gives me a boner
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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