jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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