nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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