I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
