So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
