I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize